found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
