the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
