How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
