Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
