She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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