Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
