I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
