As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
a search helicopter?!
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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