I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
