When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I've blown a few things in my day
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
