Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
