I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
