I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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