I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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