Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My brain says no but my pants say off.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
