I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
