My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
