I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
