I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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