i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
