8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
