i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
