Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
