its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
