She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
