it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
