I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
