I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
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Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
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I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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