im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
