I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
