I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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