i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
