Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
