I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Never underestimate the power of titties
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
