yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
