hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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