You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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