well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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