got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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