im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I love you. Go after that dick
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