Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
