I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
