I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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