my soul wont recognize me after tonight
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
