In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
two words: eviction party
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
