apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
