you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
