happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
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I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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