I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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