If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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