Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
