woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
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i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
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Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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