eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
