Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
