Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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