I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
vagina is talking i cant
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
