i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
