So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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