dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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