shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
