How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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