The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
