I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
