so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
