Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
