Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
