it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
