My first STD was from a foam party
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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