She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize