I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
