Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
