All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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