haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
