I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize