I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
