Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
